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Quote:1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. Generally, one should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.:haha: Great stuff, I love that!! jumpy.gif thumbsup.gif w00t.gif Drogar-Laugh(LBG).gif
Hi Folks
> The Nude Beach
>
>A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy
>walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger
>than his mother’s, and asked her why.
>
>She told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”
>
>The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to
>tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His
>mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”
>
>Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
>
>Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, “Daddy
>is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the
>dumber he gets.”You know how kids try to get out of school, where he is a good idea for you people. Get someone that can talk in a low voice and call you in sick, but remember, MAKE SURE HE HANGS UP BEFORE HE ASKS FOR THE MONEY!!!
I Can picture that:
Hello, this is John Doe’s father,
He will not be in today becuase he is sick and has a fever
If you have any question, please contact me, Thank You.Then:
OK JOHN, WHERE’S MY FIVE BUCKS?!?!?!?!A funny site:
http://www.themeatrix.comCoffee …”slogans”
1. Coffee: Mother Nature’s jumper cables.
2. Taste The Bean, Feel The Bean, Be The Bean.
3. Take life one cup at a timeThis Might Make Us Windows Users feel better. (This shows us that Windows dosen’t crash only for us.)
Quote:This Might Make Us Windows Users feel better. (This shows us that Windows dosen’t crash only for us.)That makes me feel better!
thumbsup.gifSee, with all these probelms, It’s good having the one error message on your computer. Drogar-Laugh(LBG).gif
Quote:See, with all these probelms, It’s good having the one error message on your computer. Drogar-Laugh(LBG).gifI’d like to make that message:
Quote:Wine has closed with an error of 1Wine is a windows emulator for linux, I’d like to be working in linux 100% of the time if it were possible.
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had giventheirnew wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the
dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that
it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean
house and the dishes were all washed and put away.The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes,and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Wisconsin girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he
could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load
the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.Got to love them Wisconsin girls!
Quote:The third man had married a Wisconsin girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he
could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load
the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.:haha: Great one!!! Drogar-Laugh(LBG).gif If only we had some female users from Wisconsin… that is a great joke! thumbsup.gif
I’m hoping this isn’t the way they find mines.
http://www.wiscollectorcar.com/coppermine/cpg132/displayimage.php?album=52&pos=1
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