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You know I work all day,
To get you money to buy you things,
And it’s worth it just to hear you say,
You’re gonna give me ev’rything,
So why on earth should I moan,
‘Cos when I get you alone,
You know I feel okay.
When I’m home ev’rything seems to be right,
When I’m home feeling you holding me
Tight, tight, yeh.There are very few things that WD-40, a propane torch and a big hammer won’t remove.
On a related note, rubber bushings, especially those soaked in WD-40, are highly flammable and produce an impressive amount of smoke.
Neighbors are apt to call the fire department when they see a prone individual lying underneath a smoking car.
Volunteer firemen do not appreciate being called away from their homes for false alarms. They do, however, appreciate beer and soft drinks.
On another related note, it is a good idea to make sure that parts and bolts are not still hot before touching them.
If you wash your incredibly dirty hands in the kitchen sink, the white decorative towels hanging nearby are probably not the best choice for drying them off.
Washing dishes is a good way to remove stubborn grease from your hands.
Washing dishes is also a good way to appease your spouse.
Do not use bath towels as shop rags.
Do not use shop rags as bath towels.
“Universal fit” describes a part that is designed to fit no application well, and only with serious modifications and swearing.
“Bolt-on” describes a part that will indeed bolt on after a period of head-scratching, knuckle-bashing and swearing.
Observing automotive repair can be an educational experience for children.
Your spouse and neighbors may not consider the acquisition of new swear words by children to be educational.
To estimate the hours it will take to complete a project, use the following formula: Number of parts X (Number of children in household/Avg. free hours per day) X Total number of vehicles owned X Number of household projects currently on hold. Divide this total by the number of years of auto repair experience.
The only time your hand will slip and encounter something sharp, hot, or otherwise painful is when you are not wearing your work gloves.
Cold weather increases the sensitivity of the pain receptors in your hand by approximately 600%.
Something that seems impossible at 1 a.m. will appear incredibly easy at 6 p.m. the next day.
Your spouse will not view oil and grease stains on the driveway as “decorative touches”.
First aid supplies are much cheaper in bulk.
An adjustable wrench is a tool designed to speed the process of rounding off bolts, damaging nearby paint and removing significant amounts of skin.
“Lather, rinse and repeat” is not sufficient to remove axle and wheel bearing grease from your hair.
Any small particles falling from the underside of your car while you are lying underneath will find their way into your eyes, nose, ears or mouth regardless of precautions you may make.What you learn in do-it-yourself auto repair.
A trouble light when properly place under the car, will shine directly in your eyes.
When crawling under the car with a hand full of wrenches, the proper size will be in the tool box.
After retreiving the proper sized wrench and crawling back under the car, you will be lying on it.
Allen and Torx wrenches only come in three sizes: too small, too big, and missing.
If using air tools, after crawling under the car, you will discover the compressor is off or unplugged.
After correctly hooking up compressor, the air tool will be set for exactly the wrong direction for intended purpose.
Socket extensions hooked to the socket will fall off while correcting air tool direction leaving the socket stuck on the bolt (or nut as the case may be)
And do not forget Murphy’s rule of general automotive repair and gravity”: Things that fall out of the car will roll to the most inaccessible location.
While attempting repairs using nuts and bolts from your large collection of same stashed in a coffee can, you will have a complete collection of nuts and bolts that neither fit each other or the part intended.
As far as using a torch, using one to disconnect brake line connections will cause an almost smokless flash fire. But after the fire is out, the brake line will generally come apart.The Dangers of Bread
A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, “Smell of baked bread may be health hazard.” The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone (I’m not making this stuff up).I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread- induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread?
Well, I’ve done a little research, and what I’ve discovered should make anyone think twice….
More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and osteoporosis.
Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.
Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
Newborn babies can choke on bread.
Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:No sale of bread to minors.
No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers. Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.Well, you could either replace or reapir, I would personally replace the bumper and repair the actual car body.
Nope, don’t need one.
Know where I’m going, if not, I’ll find out where I’m going by “experimenting”.
