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How To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity
At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write ‘for sexual favors.’
Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Dont use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3.”
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
Call the psychic hotline and don’t say anything.
Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!”, “I Won!” “3rd time this week!!!”
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do.”
Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
Every time you see a broom, yell “Honey, your mother is here!”
FUNNY TRANSLATIONS
The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?”
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours — we guarantee no miscarriages.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.”
Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”
In a Tokyo bar: “Special today for the ladies with nuts.”
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.”
In a Rhodes tailor shop: “Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.”
Puffs tissues tried to introduce its product in German only to learn that “Puff” in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: “Would you like to ride your own ass?”
In a Rome laundry: “Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.”
In a Hong Kong supermarket: “For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.”
A hotel notice in Madrid: If You Wish Disinfection Enacted In Your Presence, Please Cry Out For The Chambermaid
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).
Pepsi’s “Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation” translated into Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave” in Chinese.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “Bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax”, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokou kole”, translating into “happiness in the mouth.”
When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!”
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, “Salem-Feeling Free”, was translated into the Japanese market as “When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty”.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream.
Ford had a problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company discovered that the word Pinto was Brazilian slang for “tiny male genitals”.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”
When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, they discovered that their slogan “finger lickin’ good” was translated as “eat your fingers off”.
Frank Perdue was no better off. This chicken magnate’s slogan: “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken” was rendered in Spanish as “It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused.”
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its “Fly In Leather” campaign literally, which meant “Fly Naked” (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Mojorcan shop entrance: – English well speaking / – Here speeching American.
Tokyo hotel’s rules: Guests are requested not to smoke and do other disgusting behaviors in bed.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur Coats Made For Ladies From Their Own Skin.
Sign in a German hospital: No Children Allowed In The Maternity Wards.
The sign at the concierge’s desk in an Athen’s hotel:” If You Consider Our Help Impolite, You Should See The Manager.
A notice in a Vienna hotel: In Case Of Fire Do Your Utmost To Alarm The Hall Porter.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive sideways
I have an old one from the 70’s on my car, it was there when i got the car. It is now just the outline of a dolphin but it used to be from Sea World.
Coppermine, if I am right with what we use now, I like it, very easy to naviagte and to know what is happening.
Oct. 10
1871: A drizzeling rain on Tuesday Morning extinguishes the remnant of the Great Chicago fire. It is thought that about 300 persons have lost their lives and almost 90,000 have been left homeless.
Oct. 9
1871: The Great Chicago Fire rages all day Monday, destroying almost every building in an area of three and one third square miles.
